Saturday, October 31, 2009

Elegant Inn Hong Kong Cuisine, Menara Hap Seng, KL. Hairy Berry Crabs.

(non halal)

Hairy Crabs.
A Chinese delicacy that is seasonal and is highly prized for it's roe. That makes the Female species highly prized and the Male erm.... sort of unprized. I guess that makes sense because it would be more difficult to find a hirsute Female than a Male. It is considered a pest in Europe as it is invading their ponds and streams and just shows that one man's meat is another man's poison. After all, flip through Elle and Vouge and see that all their female models are clean shaven and Brazilian waxed. It's probably a case of fearing the crabs being a bad influence on European ladies, I think.

It's Autumn again and all those unshaven, never used veet/nair before female crabs are being offered at Elegant Inn again. A prized Shanghai delicacy, it is served steamed here with vinegar and ginger dip.

I have to admit, the crabs did look like a mean MF, with hair sticking out all over the place. With 4 pairs of legs, one can hardly blame the crab for not being clean shaven.

The waitress proceeded to dismember the crab and placed all the body parts neatly on my plate. There were some wierd looking utensils which I reckoned were to dissect the crab surgically. Just like in an episode of Gray's Anatomy. Pass me the scalpel, suction, etc... Eat the roe first, the waitress said. The roe, the roe...

What can I say about the roe? Artery clogging stuff. But hey, all the delicious food kills you one way or another. The roe was as promised. Every morsel a delight of creamy, rich, sweet, sinful, intoxicating indulgence. Better than ayam kampung yolks. The meat was succulent and sweet. The vinegar they serve at Elegant Inn is top grade, slightly sweet dark vinegar that was very very balanced. I took about half an hour to finish the crab. And as I was eating, I got some tweets from the luminaries of Malaysian Food Bloggers, and they were actually having Hairy Crabs elsewhere too. Well, I'll just have to live my life at the bottom of the food blogger chain and get used to it, I suppose. The crabs tasted better with the salty and lonely crocodile android tears anyway. A pot of sweetened ginger tea was served at the end of the crab meal to neutralize the cooling effect of the crab.

Next was the Deep Fried King Pork Ribs. I am sure no king reared this pork, which probably had some sexy love handles before being slaughtered and sacrificed to appease this android. Crunchy and fragrant and perfectly fried. No complaints.

The famous RM 22 Elegant Inn special fried rice was ok. Be forewarned that Elegant Inn's menu is not very Single Diner friendly. The portions are probably meant for 3 to 4 people. And I was completely stuffed at the end of the eye opening meal. It was after all, my first attempt at dissecting the Hair Crab surgically, and I do have to declare that the operation was a success. All of the meat went down in my tummy and is well on it's way to cool my body, if you believe in that sort of thing.

Alert, Alert! Update!

Was told by FBB that I was mistaken. Actually Male Crabs has better roe, and the roe consists of sperm! I was too polite to ask the waitress if she served me a male or a female crab and risk being regarded as a Male Sexist Pig. Neither do I have the zoological knowledge to locate the sexual organs of the Hairy Crab, not that I would know how a crab's penis would look like anyway. Now, I can only hope and pray that I did not just eat, savour and swallow some crab cum for lunch today! Aiayaiyayai!

Elegant Inn Hong Kong Cuisine
2.01 2ndFloor Podium Block,
Menara Hap Seng,
Jalan P. Ramlee,
Kuala Lumpur

Telephone: +


550ml jar of faith @minchow said...

Hairy crustacean come? HAHAHAHA! Surely the idea of imbibing that type of umm...bodily discharge isn't all that foreign or repulsive?

Paranoid Android said...

@min : Something about the Catholic upbringing and all the nonsense about sex being for reproduction and not for pleasure has messed me up big time. Plus repressive Colonial laws about penalizing sex "against the order of nature" makes me gag when i think about swallowing Hairy Crab Cum. LOL!

boo_licious said...

LOL, when did Vogue and Elle, show brazilian waxes? Are u sure u're not mixing it up with more ahem! kind of magazines like Penthse or Playboy?

That close up of the crab roe has me drooling and regretting the fact I turned down an invitation to eat hairy crabs twice.

thule a.k.a leo said...

Elegant Inn has been under my radar for ages!!! But due to the location and distance from my house in PJ... I give up coming here in the end.

Paranoid Android said...

@Boo: Was flipping through some glossy magazine with lots of pretty girls and was unable to recall if it was Vogue or Penthouse. Now the whole world knows my dark and dirty little secret. :p

@Thule: Yah... The manager speaks with a very thick HK english accent. I have not tried their menu extensively to give you any good recommendations.

Vivien said...

how much is the hairy crab, seems like it is in season now

Paranoid Android said...

@ Vivien: Hello and welcome. Forgot to punch in the prices again hor? The 7 oz crabs are RM77. I had the 8 oz crabs for RM 88.

J2Kfm said...

yeah i was gonna re-tell the FBB's story on male crab's roes ...
only to read that last portion of your post.
nvm ... you've just devoured thousands or probably millions of his seedlings.

Paranoid Android said...

@J2Kfm: LOL! Yeah... I would not have dug into the roe with so much relish if I had known of the possibility of swallowing 'em MFs! I notice that you are from Ipoh. So near, yet so far!

in the sea said...

Wow, you were making a lab show of how a crab's inside parts are. Crabs were somehow not the most wanted food in my childhood though my grand generations are fishermen. BTW, drink some ginger tea with cane sugar. That is to set off the cool elements in crab.

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